By: Bill Bennett
The college football world is buzzing over the recently opened football facilities at Clemson. Some of the amenities include: Arcade, Bowling Alley, Laser Tag, Nap room and personalized meals from a nutritionist.
In this exclusive, we toured the facility and found an additional 6 rooms that make this new building the envy of every Power 5 team:
Clean urine storage room. Copied from the Russian Olympic team, this room sits right next to the infirmary. When it is time for an impromptu drug test, this room is a pocket door away.
Ho-Room or Hooker Hangout. The bitches hang out here. They all wear a number around their neck. You pick your number(s), party and plow.
Da Club. This titty bar was built for the players, but this is where Dabo and his “staff” plan strategy, pay off recruits and hide from their wives.
Line Up Room. No need to go to Greenville to stand in a lineup just so that bitch you abused can lie and point to you. Saves a lot of time Probation Office. Another time saver and the Clemson posts the bail.
Prison. As if listening to that hayseed Dabo isn’t punishment enough. This country club penitentiary is a great place to serve your time for multiple DUI’s, possession and intent to distribute and rape and domestic abuse charges. Built to hold 25 convicts. It is full now with a waiting list.
“This here ain’t nothing,” Dabo yodeled, “Just wait till we get that ACC Network money.”