by Ant Pruitt
Clemson (fortunately) defeated Troy to improve to 2-0 on this early college football season. As a Clemson fan, I should be over the moon, right? Well I’m not. I need to get this rant out of my system. I mean this is the igno-RANTS blog and all. Man I’m so frustrated!
For starters, games set to kickoff prior to 3PM should be banned here in the south. Even in the month of November. BAN the early football games. First you have to battle with the heat and humidity. Next you have to battle with decreased tailgating time. I know we start our tailgating anywhere between 6 and 8AM. Not a lot of time to get “game ready” as a fan, in my opinion. Well. . .unless you start tailgating the day before.
In continuing my rant, I’ll actually discuss this week’s game. Clemson won the ballgame 30-24. It was a poorly played game from an offensive standpoint of the Tigers. It was well played by the men of Troy. As my son and I sat in the stadium frying eggs on my scalp, we couldn’t help but notice a lackluster effort that seemed to be shown from the offensive line. Clemson wide receivers seemed to have dropsalitis as passes were dropped just about every time. Granted the awesome Deshawn Watson didn’t always help the situation with bad tosses, but there were too many times the ball was flat out dropped by guys that boast being the best wide receivers in the nation.
I felt the kids needed a serious ass chewing from ol’ Dabo to get themselves back into gear. Gameplay got better, but it was still pretty bad.
Lastly, let me share my two cents on the officials. You know it’s easy for most casual football fans to bitch and moan about football officiating when their team loses. My team didn’t lose this week, but the officiating was horrendous and affected BOTH teams. These guys must have worked on an hourly rate because the game lasted well into the 4 o’clock hour for no reason. So many official timeouts to set the clock or conference about a particular play. Yeah we as fans want the officials to make the right calls, but we don’t want the game’s pace to slow to a crawl. Sometimes the guys just seemed CLUELESS. How do you call an official’s timeout, resume play, then stop play before the snap because you never started the play clock? By far the worst officiating team I’ve witnessed this side of the Ron Cherry days.
Clemson won and deservedly dropped a few spots in the college rankings. The Tigers just didn’t look good against a lesser opponent. At least we’re currently 2-0 versus the state of Alabama. . . .
After week 2, a lot of teams were still riding high from wins they maybe shouldn’t have been excited about (we’re looking at you, Georgia). Bama won by 28 and was embarrassed. Auburn beat Ark St. and everybody was swooning like a member of Team Edward at a Twilight convention.
Week 3 is upon us, and some of the wheat will be separated from the shaft. Shaft, right? Listen to Jeremy and Carey go through all the week’s big games and give your their unique perspective.
BY: Bill Bennett
Citing verbal abuse, Lane Kiffin has filed for divorce from Nick Saban. This will be Kiffin’s second divorce this year. “My wife was beautiful but a real bitch,” he said as he was buttoning up his maternity shirt, “Nick is just an asshole. He ripped my face off on national TV.” He will continue in his roll as offensive coordinator, making 1.4 million a year, until another USC coach gets fired. “When you get fired at USC, you are ready to suck Nick’s ass for a paycheck,” the once proud and now lowly sycophant declared. If no USC coach is available, rumor has it Donald Trump is interested in the position.
Look, there just aren’t that many teams dealing with their tweener teams (cupcakes what sit ‘tween big games) like they should. Auburn, Ohio State, and Michigan did it this week. Bama and LSU weren’t ever in danger, but have work to do. Clemson wuz straight up scared. And Georgia? Dang, man, you need a ride home or something?
Still, bigger props go out to Arkansas, Tennessee, and MAC officiating for really taking care of business.
Listen to all the recap havoc and get set: Week 3 is gonna be a fun ‘un!
By Bill Bennett
School officials from both universities announced this morning their intention of merging the two football programs, pending approval from the SEC. It is the perfect marriage, much like the Nick Saban and Lane Kiffin ass chewing union. LSU refuses to run an offense. In fact, we aren’t sure Les Miles knows what offense means, and Starksville Middle School could score 21 against the Bulldog defense. With a combined coaching salary that is higher than the GDP of Bulgaria, it is a way of trimming some costs and maybe beating a lower tier Power 5 team.
Coach Dan Mullen, still wearing black after Zak Prescott’s graduation, said, “Shit, we can’t stop an old lady in a walker with this defense.” Les Miles, with two fingers up his ass, said, “I enjoyed watching Harris drive the offense to gain 12 yards in the first quarter against that strong FCS team. What was their name again?”
Merging the two teams was the idea of the LSU AD who is renown for making brilliant strategic moves. What about those men’s and women basketball coaches he hired at LSU? And who doesn’t admire the way he handled John Chavis’s contract in 2014 and the Les Miles “firing” last fall?
The new team, called the LMSU Wannabe’s, will be based in Baton Rouge. LSU will divest itself of Cam Cameron and Brandon Harris to help gain SEC approval. Mississippi State will get rid of those annoying cowbells and that damn drooling dog.
In other SEC news, Paul Finebaum, the grotesque looking and annoying SEC network host, who inexplicably still is on the air, was caught on surveillance mounting Tammy from the rear. He was wearing an Auburn sweatshirt and Gus Malzhan mask. After airing on Sports Center, one viewer said, “I haven’t thrown up and had shits like that since I had a Chipotle burrito.”
Sometimes you just can’t get enough Auburn talk, amiright? The Ignorant Barners is a spinoff podcast for Auburn fans who just haven’t had enough ignorant talk from the Igno Rants on CFB. Join Jeremy, Scott, Pip, and Flippo as they rant and rave about all things Auburn on a weekly show that can normally catch on a Wednesday night lifestream show on YouTube.
This weeks show:
Click here to listen via Soundcloud: The Ignorant Barners: Week 1
Hey, Gus. THIS is how you swap QBs.
— IgnoRants (@IgnoRantTalk) September 5, 2016
This was a great weekend of college football. That is, unless you were an up-and-coming team looking to make a statement (Houston, thanks for being the exception that proves the rule). These teams saw their preseason feel-goods dashed against the cold, wet pavement of reality in week one:
Just to name the big ‘uns. Jeremy and Carey break it all down for you in our big ‘ol Week One Recap show.
(we didn’t bring up numbers in the show, but as of Saturday night, Jeremy was 3-4 on picks, Carey was 5-2)
By: Bill Bennett
Les Miles thought below par was a good thingLes Miles confessed, “I messed up. I thought the winning team had the lowest score.” “Joe, (LSU Athletic Director), ripped my face off saying, “That’s golf you frigging moron.” Cam Cameron, who was busy kissing Les’ ass, had a mouthful and couldn’t speak.
Les, chuckling to himself, said, “After those assholes tried to dump me last year, I vowed to get even. My plan was to sign another top 5 recruiting class and coach them down to a high school level. Mission accomplished.”
Cyanide pills and loaded revolvers will be distributed to the tens of fans that will come to Death Valley, renamed “Pussy Galore,” to watch the Bayou Bengal offensive juggernaut face Division 2 Jacksonville State on Saturday.
Right you are, excitable football fan! The first pickcast of the season officially kicks off 2016 footballs for realsie!
PLUS, we have a famous guest picker for the show. We’re not telling who, but we bet it Trumps other guest pickers (wink, wink).